Loving in Heaven and Earth Read online

  "This is enough food to feed the city."

  "Most of the city will be here before the end of the day. Hala may not be leader anymore, but he is still known and respected by all. We have to be ready for them."

  Her eyes held a touch of wild panic. Over a meal? How strange. I didn't question her further. I simply tucked my gloves in a pocket, pulled a knife from the block and took my place next to her, slicing potatoes and wondering if it would be wrong to swipe a bit of that bread for myself.

  "Have some bread before you start," she said, dumping a pile of cubed carrots into a large pot. "You must be hungry."

  I chewed slowly, trying to figure out if I'd caused her to say that. No. No, I hadn't done anything. A wish was not binding on anyone. Everyone sent wishes up, a dozen a day.

  Still, I would be more careful.

  ~*~

  Risa hadn't been exaggerating. Before we even had the birds in the oven she was pushing me out of the kitchen. "Get dressed. There are people at the door." I hustled off to my room, unsure if I was amused or offended by her attitude.

  I chose a pair of pants and a tunic, washed up, tugged a brush through my hair, and headed back out to see who had come.

  Puah and Shifrah stood with Hala in the living room. Edward's friend, Lee, was speaking with them. They stood at odd angles, making it impossible for me to see their entire conversation.

  "…west for the most part, but in the east, it's a different…" Shifrah said before turning away from my line of vision.

  Lee shifted, "… all that? A thousand miles…"

  I moved to the edge of the group. Over Puah's shoulder, I could see William and Edward in the kitchen with Risa. She'd set them both to work.

  Someone touched my shoulder, and I turned to see Hala. "What do you think?" he asked.

  "About what?" I said, not thinking.

  Lee's jumped, his eyes widening in surprise. "What's this?"

  "Donovan brought me a voice," I said, laughing.

  As though summoned by the mention of his name, Shifrah's match came through the front door and moved to stand next to her, one arm loosely around her waist.

  "Donovan, you find all the most interesting things," Lee said.

  "It's not hard to find interesting things when you go looking for them. The world is full of wonder."

  "I've been thinking about that," Hala said. "For five hundred years I've stayed in this same place, building a city while the world went by without me. Maybe it's time for me to see what you won't shut up about."

  My heart stopped. Sparks flashed in front of my eyes. He wanted to leave. My hands grew cold. He couldn't leave. I'd stop him.

  My eyes fell on Puah, who was watching me intently. She gave a tiny shake of her head.

  He can't go. He can't. He'll take Risa. They can't leave me here.

  She shook her head again, too subtly for anyone else to notice.

  I looked toward Hala, who was in mid-sentence. "…growing in my mind for a while, I guess. Risa's not opposed. She'd like to see her mother's people again. It would be nice to give her something special after she's stuck by my side for so long.”

  More people came. Men and women I'd never seen before as well as many I knew--the tailor, the man from the library, the man from the healing center, the old woman who sat on the porch next door and never spoke. Hours passed in a blur of new names, words I wasn't familiar with, exclamations over the miraculous gloves. I forced a smile to my lips and tried my best to keep up with the conversation, but a single deafening thought looped through my mind. Hala wants to leave. Each time the words burst upon my consciousness, an answer followed close behind. I can stop him.

  Puah put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Dinner will be ready soon. If I feed the baby now, she might sleep through. May I use your room? It's quieter there. There's a better chance she'll actually settle down."

  "Of course," I said.

  "Keep me company?"

  I swallowed. This was her way of asking me to speak with her alone, without raising notice from anyone else. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she had to say, but how could I deny the one who'd done so much for me? I followed her into my room and let the door click shut behind me. She sat on the mattress, curling her legs under her and resting the weight of the baby across her knees.

  I pulled the little chair from the vanity and sat there.

  "You can't make him stay," she said without preamble.

  No point in being anything less than honest. "Yes, I can."

  She sighed. "OK. I know you can, I’ve heard it in your thoughts. But you shouldn't. It's not right. You mustn't deny people their free will."

  "It's how I survived in the north."

  "But you're not in the north now, and this isn't an issue of survival."

  I'll die without him. Tears pricked my eyes. My hands lay limp in my lap.

  "You won't die without him. People come into our lives for a season. Few relationships are meant to endure a lifetime."

  Maybe I won't die, but I won't want to live.

  Puah laid her head back against the wall and yawned enormously. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so tired. This baby on the way is taking more than his fair share of my energy. He isn't very understanding about me having two other babies to chase and a healing center to manage." She shifted to settle her back more comfortably against the wall before continuing. "Tell me how you feel about this place, this city."

  You already know more about my thoughts than I do.

  The corner of her mouth twitched. "No, no one can know you better than you know yourself. I can't see every image in your mind. I only hear those thoughts that hover near the forefront of your consciousness. Sometimes, though, maybe I'm able to be objective about those thoughts. Please, will you tell me how you feel about this city?"

  This city is my home. It's paradise. It's the only home where I’ve ever felt safe. I sleep here, and I am rested. I eat, and I am filled. I question and find answers. Miracles come to me in this place.

  "I love it here, too. I've fought for it, Jax, harder than you would ever believe. But no place is perfect. Nothing on Earth is perfect. You need to understand that, or you'll end up so very disappointed. And there is great beauty, beauty and wonder so far beyond your imagination…" She trailed off. "I see things in the minds of those who have traveled, in Shifrah's mind, and Donovan's."

  But you have never desired to travel? You stay here. It's wonderful here, right? You've no desire to leave.

  Her eyes moved to the baby's face. She brushed a finger across the little one's brow. Finally, she looked up at me. "No. I've no desire to leave. I have a unique blessing in being able to experience the travels of others. That's enough for me. I have been called to this place. My destiny lies here. Hala's does not. He must move on, Jax, or he will break. He did great things here. He has been a powerful leader, but we are all just a choice or two away from our destiny. Hala made decisions in the past that changed the course of his life in the future. He can't stay here. If you love him, you will not make him stay. He is called to something else now."

  I don't understand, "called."

  "Neither do I, exactly. It's something bigger than our human understanding. It's when something in your soul speaks to you in a powerful, intimate way that is nearly impossible to deny."

  Is everyone called?

  "I think so. We are called to match with those we love, to care for our elderly, to do a good work. Some are called to tasks that seem bigger, more glorious, perhaps. Such is not always a blessing. The more glory we are given, the more we are asked to sacrifice of ourselves."

  I had survived. That's all I knew for most of my life. Then I'd been cared for. I questioned and explored, learned and enjoyed, but I felt no calling in the way Puah described, except perhaps the call to do good; to be good.

  "If you truly want to do good and be good, you must not force anyone against their will. Love is trusting, even when you know the person you love might fail you."

  Te
ars stung my eyes, and I blinked them away. I don't want them to go. I can't stand the thought of losing them.

  She shifted the baby to her other breast. "Then maybe you are called to travel at their side, but…"

  What?

  "Nothing. You must make your choice. You have to leave this place where you say you love to be with the people you say you love, or you have to let them go, so you can stay here."

  It's not just the place. I love this place because of the people; because of you.

  She said nothing, just offered her sweet smile. Puah had a way of looking at you with such serenity you could never possibly believe she was judging you. She knew too many things about too many people to judge any single person's heart.

  "Hala and Risa trust me," I said.

  "They do," she agreed.

  "I will not betray their trust."

  "I'm glad." She lay the sleeping child on the center of the low bed and held out a hand to me. "Help a poor pregnant woman up and we'll go eat until we're sick."

  I laughed and helped her up. Thank you for being my friend.

  "It is my pleasure, Jax. I've enjoyed our time together a great deal."

  You talk like it's over.

  She took my hand in hers. "Let's go eat," she said, and I followed her into the crowded front rooms.

  ~*~

  The guests had drifted out in groups small and large. Hala wandered away with Donovan. The house felt strangely empty.

  I carried an armful of plates into the kitchen and set them on the counter. From the corner of my eye, I saw Risa wipe a tear from her cheek. I reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. She peeked over her shoulder, looking shy. "I'm sorry. I'm being silly."

  "I don't think it's silly to be sad."

  She forced a little smile, and her back was to me once more. A tug of frustration pulled at my heart for a moment before I remembered she no longer had to look at me to hear me speak. "I'd like to help you, if I can."

  Her shoulders fell a little, and I saw her take a slow deep breath before turning and leaning her back against the counter top. "My people are known for their quick tempers. Being around Hala has soothed something in my soul. He has allowed me to be more than a slave to my emotions."

  I understood perfectly. The feeling I had when Hala was near wasn't calm, exactly. It was more like, in his presence, I could sense the ties that bound us all, the common spark of humanity that I shared with others, and that commonality became the most important thing in any given moment.

  "Still," Risa went on, "I sometimes struggle. There are days… well… Hala and I have been matched for a very long time, and any couple will tell you there are days you have to choose to keep loving."

  "Were you not happy today?" Her bright smile had been there every time I'd looked. How much of the peace and joy I saw in others was a mask?

  "Yes, I was happy. It is always good to celebrate with our loved ones. But…" She tossed the towel in her hand aside. "Let's sit. My feet are killing me, and I need a glass of wine."

  When we'd moved to the couch and the good red wine had been poured, she drank deeply and re-started the conversation in a completely different place. "What have you learned of the history of this place?"

  I set my glass aside, untouched. "I know that Hala built it, and the people love him as a good leader. I see the broken tower and know something terrible happened, but when I ask I get the strangest answers."

  "Like what?"

  "Morgan, from the library, told me the hand of That Which Is moved to make right what had gone wrong. Edward said a battle was waged between pride and submission."

  Risa drank once more. "People are fools sometimes, looking for the Divine where there are only the created. During the lifetime of Hala's mother humans thrived as they never have before or since. There were billions of people on earth. Billions, with a 'B.' Do you even know that number?"

  I shook my head.

  "They were like ants in a hill, covering everything and piled atop one another. Humans ruled supreme. The creatures of the Realms stayed in the Realms, more or less. Those like Donovan and Shifrah were earthbound, but hidden and hunted. Acedia built an army of those who were not human. His plan was to create such chaos That Which Is would destroy creation to restore peace."

  "Obviously it didn't work."

  "It did, though. Well, not the part about destroying all of creation, but there was a terrible battle. Immortals were slaughtered by the One who gave them life while humans bowed in prayer. After the battle, no one knew what to do. No one knew how to survive, and so they died. My grandfather speaks of walking past cities that reeked with the odor of the dead.

  "Hala had a vision to restore order. He built this city, one lost family at a time. He took in the wounded, the sick, humans, those who were not human, creatures of the Realms… no one was turned away if they were willing to work for the good of all. Technology was restored and improved. There was food and water, medicine, education, even beautiful art. It was a good place, and he led it well."

  "It is still a good place."

  She waved my words away. "In time, a new threat arose, creatures that walked the earth and fed on humans. He built the tower as a fortress. He poured his energy into it. He would not see them die off again as they had in his mother's day."

  "But something went wrong?" I asked.

  "I don't even know what," she said. "It was a good plan but, in the end, not good enough. The enemy was defeated, but many of our people died. After it was over, many more left here in search of some nameless adventure. This city is a shell of what it once was."

  "I can't imagine. It's beautiful here. Everything is so bright and colorful, and there is still good food and water and medicine."

  "Yes, it is beautiful, but the heart of the community is gone. People come and go. They wander in and out. There is no loyalty and no passion to make this place the best it can be. It's a happy little commune. No one here stands with zeal for something fantastic, including Hala."

  "He is a good leader," I insisted.

  "He is no leader at all. Not any more." She stood and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with the bottle of wine. She filled her glass and drank half of it before speaking again. "Hala stood in power, a symbol of hope for a better tomorrow. Now the people take their problems to Edward, to Puah. They are the leaders now. Hala wanders the streets, shaking hands and making friends. He has no more vision for this place."

  "Perhaps he has a new vision?" I offered, feeling uncomfortable seeing her speak of Hala in that way.

  "Yes. A vision to wander the world like a nomad. Visions of a son we'll never have. Dreams."

  "Five hundred years is a long time to stay in one place," I said, hoping she wouldn't be angry with me.

  "Two hundred years is a long time to stay with one man," she answered, draining the rest of the wine from her glass. "If I could have given him a baby, maybe he would have been content. Heaven knows we've prayed, but you see where that's gotten us. He insists that a son will be born, but if it hasn't happened by now, obviously it's not going to happen."

  I shifted and took a drink of my wine, just to give my hands something to do.

  "I tell myself that taking this journey with him will make things right. I pray that a long walk across the good earth will soothe his broken spirit. I hope that my loyalty will remind him of his greatness."

  "He says that he's excited to take you to your homeland once more."

  Her gaze grew distant and distracted. "It will be good to see my people, but I'm not sure it is good for Hala to go there. They have no love for demonkind, and there are rumors that they war with humans. I may convince him to take a different path."

  "You may?" It seemed a strange thing to say if she was worried for his safety.

  She forced a sad, strained smile. "I may. I don't know. I've been away from the Fae too long. I have dear friends there. There are things about me they understand that no one else would. You must understand. Don't you f
eel that way about your people?"

  I blinked, struggling to keep my face neutral. "My people are dead. If they weren't, I would wish they were."

  She said nothing. I'm not sure she even heard me. Her eyes were focused on something beyond me once more. She patted my knee. "One way or another it will all work out, and life will go on, right? I'll look forward to seeing the world through your eyes."

  "Mine?"

  She focused on me. "Well… you're coming with us, aren't you?"

  Tears blurred my vision. My hands felt leaden in my lap, making it nearly impossible to answer. "I'm coming with you?"

  "I guess I was assuming. You can stay here if you like. I'm sure there will be no objection to you taking over this house."

  "I thought you were leaving me."

  She sat up straighter. "We're family, Jax." She leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug. The ease with which these people displayed physical affection still felt strange and awkward to me, but I forced myself to return her embrace. "Go to bed. There will be plenty of time to talk about traveling before spring."

  And, like that, my world shifted once more.

  Lying in bed that night, I wondered if I would ever be able to predict the next turn of life's path. Probably not, but I doubted I would ever stop trying to guess what lay ahead. If I'd known then, in my happy excitement, what the journey held, would I still have gone? I probably would have. Even if I didn't realize it then, my heart was already lost to Hala.

  Six

  I vacillated between thinking the people among whom I dwelt were crazy for calling the cool, crisp, rainy weather winter, and thinking winter would never end. Every day dawned grey and damp. Spring and the time to travel seemed a lifetime away. Life seemed to revolve around dinner. At the table, warm and dry with full bellies and a good day's work behind us, it became easy to be content. Nearly every night we were at someone else's home, or someone was visiting ours.

  One especially windy night, we gathered at Edward's home. William spent the evening fussing over Puah, whose belly seemed her most prominent feature. As it nearly always did, the conversation turned to the trip we were planning. Edward made no secret about hating the idea of Hala's leaving, but upon being invited to come with us, he waved the idea away with a laugh. He told us once that That Which Is had set him where he was supposed to be, and he had no intention of wandering off on his own.