Loving in Heaven and Earth Page 12

  I wondered, if I could hear her, would I be able to sense additional meaning from her tone?

  Dragon raised an eyebrow. "That's quite a vision, my friend. You're bold to follow it."

  "I have not seen anything that tells me my vision was right. I may be no more than a fool, wandering the land."

  Stella shifted her infant from one breast to the other. "Visions are rarely followed by confirmation. My mother once told me you had to walk in faith long enough to convince the entire universe you believe. Only then are you permitted to see."

  Hala gestured to the babies. "You're raising an army," he said. "Perhaps you have a vision to take over the world?"

  Dragon laughed, and the conversation turned to the children.

  Under the table, next to me, Risa used her hands to tell me, "I will send him to you tonight."

  "Tonight. Only a few hours from now, Hala's wife would send him to the bed of another woman to give him hope that his vision could come true. A hope born on the will of a broken girl who wasn't strong enough to avoid taking what she wanted, even when it hurt the ones she loved.

  Following Hala's example, I drained my own cup of wine. Then I met Risa's eye and nodded my agreement.

  ~*~

  We were given three adjoining rooms. Not one that we could share as we had in New Faerie. Not two, that Hala and Risa could share as a married couple. Three that adjoined, giving us our choice to do as we would in privacy.

  Dragon and Stella were unwaveringly faithful to one another, but evidently accustomed to looking the other way while people did as they desired. Hala's room was in the center. I didn't see what it was like inside, but mine was larger than the entire house we'd all lived in before. The dominant feature was a tall bed, wide enough for four adults to lie side-by-side without touching. Polished wooden posts rose up from each corner. White woven bedding was tucked tightly around a thick feather mattress. Candles flickered on the bedside table and on top of the dresser and shelves. My pack looked grubby and out of place on the pristine floor.

  I stood in the center of the room, waiting for him; terrified, exhilarated, aching with need. The candles released their heavy scent into the clean, cool air.

  ~*~

  Hala entered, sooner than I expected, a bronze-skinned god with burning emerald eyes. A wisp of breeze followed him, making the light flicker and dance. He pressed the door shut and turned the lock. We were alone. He stood before me, unmoving, waiting, perhaps, for me to give him permission to do this thing his wife had demanded of him.

  I had decided there was only one way I could get what I wanted and clear my conscience, at least enough to be able to live with myself. I had to tell him the truth. With trembling hands, I said, "I influenced Risa's will. I manipulated her. I made her ask this of you."

  His gaze never left my eyes. "I know," he said. My heart stuttered in my chest.

  "I did nothing to your mind, though."

  "I know," he said again, coming closer.

  "How do you know?"

  He brushed my hair away from my face with his fingertips before letting them trail down my neck to my shoulders. With the smallest possible movement, he untied the string at my throat and pushed the fabric of the nightshirt Stella had loaned me down my arms.

  It slid across my skin, causing a shiver to race through my body. I was bared to him. My flesh was on fire. His hands, strong and rough, moved to my breasts. "I know," he said, lifting them gently and brushing his thumbs across them, stoking the inferno of my desire to new heights, "because I've wanted you since the first days I knew you. Every time I looked away, I wanted you more. I make love to my match and I come when I think of you. I walk on this journey and I get hard because you are near. I am driven to distraction by you, and every day is worse than the day before."

  I closed my eyes, but the heat of his hands was too much. I opened them once more, only to be consumed by his gaze. One question lingered in my mind and, as though reading my thoughts, he answered it. "She's my match, Jax. I will be with you as long as I can, but you must know I won't leave her for you if it ever comes to that. I can't leave her."

  I raised my hands between us and told him, "If this night is all we have, I will be thankful for it the rest of my life."

  He tugged on the fingers of the gloves and let them fall to the floor, lifted me, laid me on the bed, pressed his lips to the tender spot on my neck. His hands explored my body. He tasted my breasts with tongue and teeth. The soft trailing kisses he laid across my stomach promised he wouldn't hurt me. With slow, careful caresses, he silently explained that he understood I'd been hurt before, used, enslaved.

  This is different, his hand whispered, sliding up my thigh.

  I won't hurt you, his teeth promised when they tugged on my earlobe.

  He raised himself above me. His green eyes blazed in the dim light. His strong chest rose and fell in quick, short breaths. I pulled him to me, certain I would die from wanting.

  He slid into me, filling me, thrusting, losing control. I clung to him with arms and legs. I rose up to meet him, opened myself to him, and when I reached the height of my pleasure, I wept, for I could not scream and I had no other release.

  His seed spilled inside me, and I prayed it wouldn't take root. Not yet. Not this night.

  Give me more time. Once is not enough.

  In my mind, a small voice whispered, it will never be enough. Not ever.

  I clung to him, not letting him withdraw from me. Rolling him onto his back, I held him within me. I kissed his neck, the strong breadth of his chest, his full, perfect lips. His hands kneaded my hips and, as he pressed his tongue into my mouth, I felt his desire returning. Without ever having withdrawn he grew hard again, guiding me forward and back in a slow rhythm that wrenched waves of pleasure from my body.

  I'd been taken by many men, but not one had ever possessed me as this demon possessed me. I was his and his alone.

  Sixteen

  The morning sun burst over the horizon, blaring into my room, despite the thick, gauzy curtains. I stretched and rolled onto my back. A heavy weight settled on my stomach. I opened my eyes. Hala lay on his side next to me, propped on one elbow. His other hand rested just above my navel. "You look beautiful in the morning."

  I grinned and covered my blanket-lined, sleep-swollen face. With gentle, irresistible pressure, he pulled my hands down. "Don't hide," he said. "You really are beautiful."

  He shifted so I was beneath him, and pressed into me. I closed my eyes. I'm still dreaming.

  Hala stilled and waited for me to look at him. "Don't hide, Jax," he said again, beginning to move in a slow, constant rhythm that tore the breath from my lungs.

  When he was done, my body was liquid beneath him. He held himself up on his elbows. His hair fell over his shoulders and tickled my neck. "Let's stay in this room forever."

  I nodded. Wolf pressed his cold wet nose under my arm, making me laugh.

  Hala kissed my lips, my nose, my forehead, and then he rolled away, stood up, and gathered his clothes. Without another word, he disappeared through the door into his room. I lay, staring at the door. If I was his match, we'd share a room. But I wasn't. I glanced over at Wolf, who was practically dancing in his desire to be outside.

  I showered, dressed, and steeled myself to see the others. Whatever I had with Hala, it would be enough. It was so much more than I'd ever dreamed of with anyone else. Surely it was enough.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

  A small woman with wide eyes and sun-kissed skin stared back at me. She looked healthy and strong, fit and well.

  "This new life is pretty good," I told her with my hands. She echoed the sentiment.

  "I know," I said. "I should be happier."

  She felt the same.

  I sighed. Wolf followed me down the stairs and out the front door. The fragrant air teased me, whispering secrets I could not hear. My body grew warm and heavy, a wonderful, tight heat just shy of pain unfurling between my legs
. The liquid satisfaction solidified into fresh longing.

  Risa came out and stood next to me beneath the ancient willow. She slipped her hand into mine and squeezed. "We're sisters now," she said, with a tiny smile. She didn't seem upset at all. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. I didn't know what to say to her. I tried to force a smile in return, but I was certain it was strange and unconvincing.

  She frowned. "You're not hurt, are you?"

  I shook my head. Did she honestly believe Hala would hurt me? An image of the handprint on her shoulder came unbidden to my mind. She knew him better than I did. She was his match, after all.

  Wolf brought me a stick, and I let go of Risa to toss it for him.

  She said nothing else about it as we returned to the cool relief of the sealed house, joining the others for breakfast.

  Dragon sat at the table, spooning warm mash into the toddler's mouth. The little one happily smashed his fists into the growing puddle of stickiness on the tray in front of his chair. "…about it," he was saying. "We've got nothing of interest to them. This land can't be farmed, and what are we? Neither human nor Fae. In this place the Fae would get lost in the fog of their desire. We're of no interest to them."

  "What's to the west of you?" Hala asked. His eyes moved to Risa and me when we came in, but he said nothing. Risa sat next to him, leaving the chair between her and Dragon for me.

  "More of the same, for miles. Beyond that I'm told there's good land to be had, if you can survive the storms."

  Hala draped one arm around the back of Risa's chair without looking at her. "Do others survive?"

  Dragon ran the spoon up the boy's chin to catch the food that spilled from his mouth. "Some. There are nomads."

  "My mother's people were nomads. It's not a bad life," Hala said.

  "Not bad," Stella said, appearing from the kitchen with a pan of steaming eggs. "But not easy either." She glanced toward the stairs. "Ugh! It's like he knows when I'm about to sit down to eat."

  "Eat," Risa said, standing from her spot. "I'll get him. I can't feed him, but I can distract him for a few minutes while you enjoy a hot meal."

  "Thank you," Stella said, sinking into a chair across from me. "These kids are going to be the death of me."

  "You know what causes them, don't you?" Hala teased.

  She grinned. "I do. And if my choice is between giving that up or death I'd have to think about it."

  Burning heat crept into my cheeks. I put more attention on scooping some eggs onto my plate than the task really required. In the past, I would have thought her statement absurd, but I understood now. I'd thought that being with Hala would satisfy my endless cravings. Instead, it only intensified them.

  I felt the weight of his eyes on me and refused to look up.

  Risa returned with the infant in her arms. She paced, bouncing him gently and murmuring against his hair. One day she'll hold my baby like that. No. It will never be my baby. It will be her baby. Hers and Hala's. My stomach churned. I looked at the others.

  "…to say who would win. Technology versus magic? What would that even look like?"

  I raced to the washroom and vomited into the bowl. What have I done? The thought repeated again and again in my mind. I can't give up Hala's baby. I won't. My trembling hands stilled. Steely resolve settled in my core. I would have Hala, and I would have his baby, and no one in this realm or any other would stop me.

  ~*~

  Hala found me curled in a chair with a book. I lowered the volume to my lap.

  "I'm going to the market. Risa is watching the baby so Stella can rest. Would you like to come with me?"

  "Maybe we should stay in," I offered boldly.

  He grinned. "We’ll hurry home." He held out a hand. "Come on."

  I took his hand and stepped once more from the house.

  A group of satyr children played a game in the street with sticks and balls, heedless of the light drizzle. To me, their gait looked almost comical when they ran, but they were undeniably quick. Old women sat on front porches watching over them. Did the magic of this place still make their hearts beat fast? Did age rob a person of the fire in their belly? Or would it just change to a smoldering coal? I'd never thought about it before. I'd never known an old person. I never expected to live to old age.

  I looked up at Hala. "How old are you?"

  He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why do you want to know?"

  I shrugged.

  "I am five hundred and six. I think. Somewhere close to that." The fire in his eyes danced. "How old are you?"

  I frowned. "I don't know."

  "You don't have a guess?"

  "Much less than five hundred and six."

  He laughed and slipped his arm around me, guiding me toward the heart of the city.

  "The Market" was a stone-paved street with dozens of shops on either side. Women stood in the doorways calling out to passersby about fresh produce, fabric, live animals, flour, glassware, electric generators, candles, wine, and every other thing under the sun a person would ever need or want. Our pace slowed, Hala waiting for me as I peered at table displays and into wide windows. Everything here was a wonder of color and texture. I ran my fingertips along a length of shimmering blue fabric, tasted a tart yellow fruit with a spiky crown of leaves, inhaled the fragrance of a thousand roses, bundled in little groups of six and tied with red ribbons. My senses were delighted, overwhelmed, insatiable. His hands never left me. They were around my waist, on my shoulder, toying with my hair, holding my hand.

  "I'll take you both upstairs for twenty dollars," a bare-breasted woman said, stepping in front of us. I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to run my fingers over her silky skin as I had with the fabric. Hala's palm burned hot against mine. He said something I didn't catch and pulled me away from her. I glanced up at him. From the hard set of his jaw, I guessed he felt as overwhelmed and befuddled by this place as I did. I took a deep breath in an attempt to clear my head, but the scent of the satyrs spiraled through me, as intoxicating as any wine.

  We turned into a little space between two buildings and came to a closed metal door, painted red with a black "X." Hala opened it without knocking, and we entered a large, windowless space where the air was cool and clean as it had been at Dragon's house. A strong, metallic smell hung in the air, carrying me back to the far north. Gun oil. My eyes adjusted to the dim light. An old woman with skin as thin and pale as paper sat on a stool behind a long counter, her white hair pulled up into a knot at the back of her head with wispy errant curls escaping in every direction. She turned sharp blue eyes on us. "Do you… or do you… with…?"

  Her lips curled in over toothless gums, making it almost impossible for me to see her words.

  "We are neither Fae nor human, and stand with neither. I am a demon, and my woman is a goddess," Hala said, using his hands to interpret for me.

  My woman is a goddess. A tiny grin pulled at the corner of my mouth. He acknowledged something in me even I had never before considered. I was as much goddess as human. When I was with Hala, the goddess ruled.

  Her eyes narrowed on us. "… imagine… business… Realms have in…" she said.

  "We are earthbound," he said, offering no further explanation.

  "Never the less."

  "We have money."

  "…you do." She glared at me for a long moment, and then turned back to Hala, resting her forearms on the counter. "I… about… sell to. … products are in limited supply."

  I walked the length of the counter, feeling their eyes on me. The weapons seemed to be arranged by the amount of ammunition they could hold. It was an impressive display. She had everything from a Smith and Wesson revolver, to a rusty Russian RPG-7. Halfway along the line a Trueman Automatic Laser rifle hung above a box with "EMP grenades" stamped across one side. Three Sig Sauer Infinite Round Teslas were mounted next to that.

  The sight of the guns, oiled and hung on the wall turned my blood to ice. I could feel my father pressing the grip of a pistol into my
hand. I was so small my fingers could barely reach the trigger. I remembered the thump of a rifle, bouncing against my back as I ran through the snow, leaving a dark bruise. I stood in front of a crowd of children. The trigger gave way beneath my finger and they fell in a shower of blood.

  No. I won’t think of that. It was another life. This is different. Hala is different. That can’t happen in this world. It can’t. Hala won’t allow it. I won’t allow it.

  I looked back to Hala. I was right. They had been watching me. He focused on the woman again. "We are on a dangerous journey."

  "...for your kind."

  A muscle twitched in his jaw. He reached into his satchel and produced a handful of gold.

  "What do you want?" she asked. It was the first perfectly clear thing she'd said since we'd come in.

  He looked to me. Speaking with his hands, he asked, "What do you think we should buy?"

  With my thumbs, I switched the gloves to silent before answering him. "I don't think we should buy anything. I've no desire to kill."

  "I've no desire to kill, either, but we're going into an unsettled land in a time where rumors of war are everywhere. We're trying to make a baby, Jax. We need to be able to protect our child."

  Our child. No mention of Risa.

  I swallowed hard. There is a difference between protecting your family and looking for a fight. "I'd get two of the Sig Sauer Teslas and the AI2516. You'll need ammunition for that one."

  "But not for the others?"

  "You don't know enough about these weapons. You shouldn't be buying them."

  "Tell me what I need to know, Jax."

  I rubbed a hand over my eyes. "The Teslas will fire energy bolts. They'll recharge from the ether."

  He began telling the woman what we wanted. I leaned against the counter. Along the length of the wall, knives were displayed in glass cases. The feeling of flesh parting beneath my assault was as fresh in my mind as if it had only just happened.

  I forced the memories into a dark corner of my heart and allowed Hala’s gift to turn the lock. I let my love for him anchor me in the present where I was safe and comfortable and cared for.